Dark days of despair drive many to the final option

'A crazy dog'

In one post, Sienna described her symptoms and expressed her despair.

"I've been depressed for many years and cannot feel normal people's happiness or enjoy their pursuits. I think I was born indifferent and negative with recent developments, I've almost lost the ability to memorize, think, communicate and behave. I have no sense of direction and cannot organize language. It's like my brain has been kidnapped. I can't even order a meal or send an e-mail. The side effects of the medicine used to alleviate the depression are like a crazy dog that bites my body and soul. Even if I'm lucky enough to be cured, a former mental illness patient who has lost the ability to work cannot make a living in modern society. I'm really afraid of taking the medicine over a long period and of the shadow of a recurrence that may happen any time. I know I'm not one of those strong-willed people. I'm exhausted by dealing with the terrors that haunt me day and night. I'm not willing to live amid people's discussions and sympathy, nor do I want to increase the spiritual and financial burden on my fragile family who have to take care of me."

Qiu, a 33-year-old bank employee in Suzhou in East China's Jiangsu province, who did not want his full name disclosed, said he cried when he read Sienna's words on the Internet.

"Like many depressed patients in China, Sienna was misled and didn't get the right information. If she had known more about depression and had taken the initiative to deal with it, her story might not have ended so tragically."

Qiu was talking from grim personal experience; he struggled with depression for around two years. "It was like I was in hell," he recalled. "Every time I was near a window, no matter whether at home or in the office, I had to suppress a strong desire to jump out of it."

The problem was exacerbated by Qiu's reluctance to discuss his illness with other people, including doctors. "The condition is often considered by many to be connected with other mental disorders such as schizophrenia," he said. "I couldn't imagine being able to lead a normal life if people thought I was mad. I couldn't even let them see me walk into a specialist hospital to seek help."

Qiu admitted that his neglect of treatment, and a tendency to deny that he was severely depressed, led to the deterioration of the illness and drove him to despair.

"Depression is not neuropathy," said He Ruifang, deputy director of Gansu Mental Health Center. "Like a cold or fever, it's an illness and needs to be treated. Patients with depression should not have to struggle with the pressures caused by misunderstanding and discrimination. The patients, their family members and the public need to adopt the correct attitude toward depression."

She added that effective, professional diagnosis and treatment are crucial, to help minimize the risk of patients' self-harming or committing suicide.

Qiu, who has now returned to work, said he deeply regretted his delay in seeking professional help. "A man I met in the hospital spent just six weeks recovering from depression because he didn't feel it shameful to be a patient, so he received immediate and proper treatment."

Zhang Chun, director of Nanjing's Psychological Crisis Intervention Center, said the treatment of depression in China lags far behind that in some developed countries.

"Depression and other mental disorders haven't received enough attention from the government," he said. "The expenses (for the treatment) of depression and related illnesses are not covered by China's medical insurance system, which is partly why some patients choose not to seek treatment."

A doctor plays cards with patients at the Nanjing Brain Hospital. [Provided to China Daily]

For Yao, increased awareness of psychological health is the crucial issue. "In some countries, many volunteers living in the community offer help to patients with depression when they are discharged from the hospital. But in China, most patients just stay at home and nobody knows what they're going through. The situation is made worse if they don't have family members around them."