'Friending' the family

Q. You successfully led the Chinese women's volleyball team in five consecutive championships. Now, as a mother, how do you support your daughter's career?

My parents felt honored that I was selected into the Chinese women's volleyball team, and kept telling me to persist, no matter how harsh the training turned out. Now I am not setting too much of a high standard for my daughter, including her schoolwork, but "finishing homework first, then play" is my minimum request. In college, she has chosen some heavyweight courses, and I told her not to give up half way, because higher education is so pivotal to one's life. Academically, I never intervene. As a mother, I fully support her career choice. I have total respect for her and I don't need to preach to her. When she meets setbacks, I often talk with her and offer her encouragement.

Q. When you retired from your professional career in China, you chose to study in the United States, instead of staying in China. Now when you look back at your decision, what impact does it have on you now?

Everyone makes their own choices, especially a retired sportsperson. He or she will be adjusting to their role in life within a short time. I chose to take the opportunity to broaden my inter-national perspective. In 1990, I was selected as a member of the IOC Athletes' Commission. At that time, my English was not very good, so I had to go to school. I spent a few years learning English at Beijing Normal University, before I moved to the US to study more. I was only focusing on my studies and didn't expect to become a coach later in life.

Q. When you were growing up, did you ever shield things from your parents, or keep things to yourself without telling them?

Yes. For example, when I was injured or unhappy, I still told them about all the good things. Because when I was young, my mother did not want me to play volleyball. I was afraid that if I said I was hurt, my mom would stop me, so I didn't want to tell her. But for kids nowadays, I think they should communicate more with their parents, even via WeChat.

Q. Now as a mother, have you ever been aware that your daughter might have only been telling you the good news?

My daughter is all right. Sometimes I ask her if she has any news to share. In fact, what I'm asking is whether she's got a boyfriend. I can't just tell her she has to seize the opportunity, now that she is old enough. It won't work, and will put too much pressure on her. Under normal circumstances, if she is unhappy, she will certainly call me. I say, your mom is your psychologist. To her, I am a listener. When she is done venting, I comfort her, or analyze the situation a bit, so that she will feel a lot better. Often if my daughter needs me, I think she might be in trouble or need some money. I don't think there is a need to call every day.