Parents, teachers learn hard social media lessons

Compliments sent

According to some netizens, there is a tendency for parents seeking preferential treatment for their children to use the groups to excessively compliment or show their gratitude to teachers.

Parents even said they go to clean classrooms or to school canteens to help with meals. Some of them are encouraged by teachers, while others do so voluntarily.

Lin Ling, whose daughter is a student in the third grade at a Beijing primary school, said she is not worried about WeChat group messages.

"The teachers send messages and news about the children, which we need to know and which is completely reasonable," she said.

"However, I dislike it when a teacher sends posts to compliment those parents who buy items for the class, which to me, seems to be a hint that others should do the same."

According to Lin, some parents voluntarily buy books and other material for school events.

"I understand that these parents can possibly gain favor from teachers and that their children might be better treated at school, but I don't think it's good to post this in a WeChat group and encourage it," she said.

"It makes me feel pressured and it seems that if I don't do something similar, my child might possibly be ignored at school."

Mao Dachuan, the father of a fourth grade primary school student in Beijing, said parents in his group always send greetings to students celebrating a birthday, which he thinks is unnecessary.

"It's also an unwritten rule among teachers that the parents of a child celebrating a birthday should buy every student in the class a book as a gift," he said.

"Is this reasonable? A child with a birthday is not encouraged to receive presents at school, but his or her parents are expected to spend more than 1,000 yuan ($151) buying books for some 40 kids they don't even know."

Mao has few complaints about messages in the group, as he seldom pays attention to them.

"I blocked the group and only give it a glance once or twice a day when I have time or when I go to pick up my son," he said. "I am not bothered by it that much and I don't think I'll experience a breakdown just because of an online group. As parents, we face much more pressure than that."

Zhao Xing, the mother of two children in Beijing, said she is in several WeChat teacher-parent groups and some groups solely with other parents. She feels good about both types.

"My daughter is in primary school and my son at kindergarten. If you expect your children to perform well at school, you must pay attention to teachers' arrangements for parents, no matter how hard your own work is. Otherwise, the buck passes back to the teachers," she said.

Zhao believes that spending time in such groups is all part of being a responsible parent.

"Times are changing and we have to embrace this change. We cannot just constantly sit back and say that our own generation grew up perfectly well at a time when there was no WeChat," she said. "Yes, there was no internet once, but it has since brought so many benefits to the world.

"The key is to establish standards and regulations, use them in a better way and avoid any negative impacts. I don't think any problems are solved just by quitting the group."