It's 2023: Let's say goodbye to 'bride price'

In 2023, how does one put a value on "love"? The dowry, or jiazhuang, has a long history in many cultures, dating back to ancient Babylon, archaic Greece and historic China. Typically, it is the division of assets, provided exclusively by sons and their families and offered as a "bride price" (pinjin) to the future bride and her family. It symbolizes her value to the groom's family and is meant to create goodwill between the in-laws.

In the past few decades, bride prices have caused much debate, as men outnumbered women by 30 million in 2021 according to the Center for Strategic and International Studies, while the unemployment rate among people aged 16 to 24 rose to nearly 20 percent and, according to Forbes in 2016, the average 80-square-meter apartment sold for nearly $310,000 in Beijing. Yet, bride prices have surged.

China Daily published an article on March 3, which highlighted the conflict that high bride prices cause. While the practice of offering and paying a bride price to the bride and her family is still legal, many arguments ensue regarding the offers. In one case featured in China Daily's article, a groom from Gansu province was asked to give 300,000 yuan ($43,500), which he could not afford. Other stories tell of couples "unable to wed" because the offers were found wanting and the bride "just couldn't accept such a low offer". In other articles, demands for hefty amounts of cash and expensive gifts have led to cases of domestic abuse and even death.

It's 2023. It's time to be done with bride prices. As it becomes more difficult for men to find a mate due to the gender ratio imbalance, it's even more challenging to afford a bride price, given the real estate market and pressures to find high-paying jobs. On top of that, social media-fueled personal insecurities and society's ever-growing sense of materialism — the pressure to own a nice car and wear trendy fashion — is driving people into debt.

Dowries and bride prices were created in times of patriarchy and intended to show a "promise" to marry daughters who would need to be taken care of, to give birth and serve men. And how insulting is it to a woman that a man and his family place a monetary value on her and "love"?

Women work. Women are capable of, and should embrace independence, and forego asking for and receiving a bride price. Families, while important, should stay out of their children's love lives. If parents choose to support their children in purchasing a home or a car, then of course, they have the right to give a "gift" of money or monetary value, whatever amount they decide. The gift should not, however, determine whether a couple moves forward with their wedding.

In most cultures, the number one reason for arguments and divorce among married couples is money. Is it really smart to begin these arguments before the vows are even taken?

While some local governments have pushed forth guidelines capping bride prices, it would be a progressive step to see them banned altogether. After all, you can't put a price on real, healthy relationships.