Young people shy away from face-to-face encounters

Social anxiety disorders inhibit interpersonal relationships

When Beijing university student Zhang Kunpeng started work as an intern at fashion magazine Marie Claire in the Chinese capital last year, it took him about a month before he asked his colleagues for the password to the office Wi-Fi, because he did not want to bother them.

He used to link his phone to an office computer each day to access the internet. However, at some point, this became too much trouble for him, so he summoned up the courage to ask a colleague for the password.

"I did not want to start a conversation with people I did not know well. I just wanted to sit there by myself and do the work," he said.

The 21-year-old prefers to talk to his colleagues online, which makes him feel more at ease.

Like Zhang, an increasing number of young people are experiencing social anxiety disorders and feel at a loss when they have to interact with others in person, as they have become accustomed to holding such discussions online.

A recent China Youth Daily survey of 2,000 people in the 18 to 35 age group found that 26.7 percent of the respondents have difficulty with real-life social interaction, and 17 percent have problems with such interaction online. Moreover, 20.5 percent said they have problems interacting with others online and offline.

The survey also found that 40 percent of the respondents said they avoided social interaction.

The main reasons for young people steering clear of social interaction include facing too much pressure from daily life, a lack of social experience, courage and confidence, and only having a small social circle.

Zhang's reluctance to interact with strangers became evident when he had to attend a fashion event.

"For most of the time, I just sat there by myself while others greeted each other and exchanged pleasantries. On a few occasions, someone came and talked with me, and I just responded with simple words," he said.

Zhang added that he has acted this way since childhood, as it takes time for him to get to know strangers before he feels comfortable talking to them.

"I sometimes envy a colleague of mine who is more extrovert than I am, as he has no trouble making friends with strangers. On the other hand, I have finished many of my projects by working alone," he said.

Chen Zhiyan, a professor at the Chinese Academy of Sciences' Institute of Psychology, said people who say they have a social anxiety disorder are usually experiencing "a feeling" rather than a mental condition.

Social phobias and social anxiety disorders seriously affect the daily life and work of those who experience them, which is only a very small percentage, she said.

Many young people feel they have such disorders, as they sense pressure from interpersonal relationships. The disorders usually occur when they speak in front of a large group, talk to people in authority — such as teachers and bosses — and the opposite sex, she said.

These young people might experience an increased heart rate, sweating, blushing and stuttering. They fear they might not perform well on such occasions and not leave a good impression on others, she said.

Uncertainty about whether they can impress others is a constant source of anxiety for them, Chen added.

"This is a perfectly normal feeling, as we all want to be liked by others. However, we also need to realize that we cannot be liked by everyone all the time. Often, the way in which we perform does not determine whether we are liked or not. We just need to be ourselves," she said.

Monitor's role

Li Guanhong, 19, said he has tried many ways to address his social anxiety disorder, which has affected his life.

He tries to avoid talking to strangers. For example, he never goes shopping for clothes alone, because he does not know how to say "no" to shop assistants who try to persuade him to buy clothes he does not like.

When he goes to a restaurant, he needs someone to accompany him to order the food, a task his mother often performs.

Li, an undergraduate at a university in Liaoning province, said: "I just do not want to disturb other people and do not know how to say 'no' to strangers. Without my mother, I feel uncomfortable on such occasions."

To alleviate the disorder, his mother told him to apply to become his class monitor, and he assumed the post, for which no other classmates applied.

Li once had to give a speech in front of several hundred students, but he became so nervous that his hands started to shake and his face turned red.

"The first thing I did when I approached the stage was take a deep breath, as I knew the two-minute speech was going to be an ordeal for me," he said.

Li did not make eye contact with his audience, focusing all his attention on the script as he tried to speak as fast as he could.

"But it was an improvement for me, as at least I finished the speech. In high school, when I had to make an impromptu speech, I bailed out at the last minute," he said.

However, such improvement has been slow, as Li still experiences difficulty talking to strangers.

Geng Meifang, director of Beijing Jiaotong University's psychological health center, said there are various ways to alleviate social anxiety disorder in public speaking, such as breathing exercises, avoiding eye contact, or holding an object.

People experience anxiety when they speak in public, because they fear others are looking down on them, but there are no grounds for holding such negative views, she said.

Most social anxiety disorders occur during puberty, as teenagers tend to worry most about what others think of them. They also fear they might not live up to others' expectations, Geng said.

There are various reasons for this anxiety, such as problems with a relationship, bullying, and a lack of support from peers, Geng said.

"It is normal for people to experience mild anxiety when they have to talk to strangers or speak in public, because such occasions force us to pay more attention to our behavior and adjust it to avoid offending others. It is a protective mechanism," Geng added.

However, it is important for people who experience serious social anxiety disorders for more than six months to seek treatment from a specialist, she said.

Chen, from the Chinese Academy of Sciences, said young people tend to experience such disorders, but as they become older their condition will improve.

"As they encounter the public more often, they will feel more at ease and better equipped to speak in different situations," she said.

However, when people avoid social interaction due to such disorders, their condition will only become more serious, she said.

It is important for students who experience social anxiety disorders to talk with counselors and specialists, as there are comprehensive and standard ways to address the condition, Chen said.

It is also important for parents to avoid overly criticizing their children if they do not perform well on social occasions. They should accompany their children, be patient with them, and help them take up a hobby to give them the confidence to interact with others, she said.

Chen added that schools should attach more importance to students' psychological health by offering sufficient courses in this field. More important, rather than only teaching knowledge, psychological courses should focus more on interactions, she said.

Moreover, society should work to prevent internet addiction. People with social anxiety disorders prefer writing e-mails and sending text messages, rather than talking over the phone or face-to-face interaction, yet such interaction cannot be replaced by online communication, she added.

Missed opportunities

Peng Xuxin, 28, who comes from Wuhan, Hubei province, and is a doctoral student at a university in Japan, now considers himself a "social butterfly" who has no problem talking with strangers.

However, when he was in high school, he experienced social anxiety disorder and sometimes did not know how to speak to strangers.

He said the anxiety resulted in numerous missed opportunities, and he did not have many friends in high school.

When he studied nursing at college, he learned to communicate with patients as part of his course requirements.

"Initially, I found it very difficult to talk to patients, but I told myself to pay less attention to the words and just focus on talking. When you do not care so much about what you say, there is less pressure. The more I practiced this, the better I became at dealing with patients," Peng said.

Geng said one of the most effective ways to alleviate social anxiety is to put down your phone and engage in more face-to-face communication.

"It is clear that members of the older generation, who grew up without mobile phones, are more comfortable on social occasions. They also have no problem talking to strangers or greeting each other in the street, as they had plenty of practice from an early age," she said.

"We all need real-life interaction with others, in which we learn to accurately understand the meaning behind subtle changes in their voices, gestures and facial expressions, which we cannot gain from online texting."

More important, face-to-face exchanges are the most effective way to resolve conflict, reach an agreement, and improve a relationship, she added.