Doing the 'sit' the way I see fit

Some people call sitting the month a type of confinement, but I actually saw this "confinement" differently. In some places like the West, where I'm from, women who just gave birth may feel social pressure to get straight back out into the world. I saw sitting the month as an escape from this expectation.

With the help of my yuesao, or postpartum carer, who lived with us for the first 26 days, I was able to focus solely on resting and enjoying the arrival of my new baby. My yuesao taught me how to feed and care for the baby and also gave me someone to talk to, helping me overcome difficult emotions — in a way my husband could not. There were no expectations that I would go back out into the world anytime soon. I didn't feel bombarded by my caring Chinese friends or family calling or trying to visit. In fact, they were basically purposely avoiding me! But I knew they were there if I needed them.

My friend, Liuissa Zhen, had her first baby not long after me. Being Australian with Chinese heritage, I was curious to know if she followed any of the sitting-the-month traditions in her home state of Queensland, Australia. She sees the idea of sitting the month as a positive thing when approached flexibly, noting that her mental health suffered from unforeseen circumstances that made her chosen confinement overbearing. Describing her experience as "very lonely", her family and friends couldn't visit her, either because of COVID-19 or in waiting for her son to have his first vaccines. Liuissa's husband did most of the housework but otherwise would use his free time to rest, leaving Liuissa craving adult conversation.

"As I was still healing from a cesarean, my usual self-care method of going to the gym wasn't feasible and going out for walks in the Queensland summer is just asking for heat stroke. It really does take a village to raise a child. And that first month is really tough when you have no village." She added that her mom was working and couldn't take time off, and in Western countries, few can afford to hire a yuesao due to the high cost of labor.

Giving the first month a label, like sitting the month, helps people acknowledge its importance, and it challenges the current notion that women should just give birth and get back out there. For that, I hope that our society can better support women across the world to embrace their first month as they see fit.

madeleine.rose.king@i21st.cn