Social media proves online gender harassment is alive and well

I can't stand group chats. While I acknowledge that they serve a purpose for communicating to multiple people at once, I become impatient with simple chatter, questions that can easily be answered with a search engine and advertisements. Mostly, I am frustrated with the rampant sexism many women face.

While running my business in Guangzhou, Guangdong province, I managed over 3,000 group chats with businesses with which I cooperated. Many times, people would add me directly and I always accepted their request. I never knew whether it would be another business opportunity or someone who needed my assistance.

However, people often added me to ask inappropriate questions or make sexual remarks. I actually took screenshots of these exchanges thinking one day they might make a hilarious, interesting, and educational book about online gendered harassment. I also changed my settings so that no one could add my contact from a group chat.

In 2018, I was invited to the US Consulate in Guangzhou to participate in a panel discussion with women who work in male-dominated STEM (Science, Technology, Engineering and Mathematics) industries. The three other women on the panel came from huge tech and financial corporations. I was the only entrepreneur. A panel moderator asked if any of us had experienced sexual harassment or sexism due to our positions.

I had a separate social media account for my business and its logo was a blue monkey. On my way to the US consulate, I received a message on that account from a random stranger who messaged, "Hello." I replied, "Can I help you?" He responded, "No." Annoyed, I asked, "What do you want?" His one-word answer: "You." My response: "I will take a screenshot of this conversation and be sure to send it to your mother." Then I blocked him.

So when the moderator asked her question and the three other panelists denied they experienced any sexism or harassment, I joyfully recounted this exchange to the audience's dismay. Whether we're talking about a woman working in a male-dominated industry or not, these types of gender harassment exchanges continue to be prevalent.

Sexism is not exclusive to men. I've received plenty of sexist comments from women as well. At 44, when I was at my fittest, I went on a beach holiday and — gasp! — wore a bikini. Proud of my hard work in the gym, I posted a photo frolicking in the sand in a two-piece swimsuit. I received a few comments asking where I was because the setting was gorgeous. But, sure enough, a woman in her 20s that I met a few times commented, "Aren't you too old to wear a bikini?" This was followed by another woman commenting, "You looked better five years ago."

As an Asian-American who grew up in a Caucasian community (even my family was only made up of one-third of Asians) and being bullied relentlessly for my appearance, I cannot fathom how the young maintain good, let alone level, self-esteem with society so focused on the female body and aging, and strangers feeling free to pick people apart while hiding behind a screen.

Olympic ski champion Eileen Gu can likely relate. After skyrocketing to global stardom since achieving gold at the 2022 Beijing Winter Olympics, online trolls took it upon themselves to belittle her choice to represent one country over another and criticism about her looks mounted, with several people questioning whether she had the goods to back up female empowerment. In a switch from most celebrities ignoring the online haters, Gu had the gumption to respond to these negative comments, with her most viral response being, "Cry ab it" (cry about it), which made women like me admire her even more.

Living in China, people say to me, "You've gained weight"; "You look older since I saw you last" (this one always gets me because everyone ages); and "You look chubby." I always considered this part of the social culture, a way to start a conversation, nothing to get offended by.

But I am offended. Criticism about female appearances is rude and sexist whether online or face-to-face. With millions suffering from mental and physical health issues, there are too many conflicting messages about looks — "Love your body, accept yourself" versus "Take Ozempic and get Botox". How are we supposed to do the former when social media urges us to do the latter?