The science of going solo applies equally

Studies by marketing researchers show that many people are reluctant to do fun things alone in public, because they are worried that other people will judge them harshly — a concern that can be particularly strong in cultures with a tradition of collective belonging, such as those in parts of East Asia.

That's what my colleagues and I, too, thought.

Yet we conducted a study in which we took photographs of people in restaurants who were either alone or with other people, and showed them to other people. I was sure the solo diners would be judged harshly.

But that's not what happened. There were no more negative comments about the people dining alone than the people dining with others, and no fewer positive comments either.

For example, comments about the solo diners included "She's enjoying a few good peaceful moments" and "He is secure". Comments about a man and a woman dining together included "He thought he liked her" and "She went to dinner with him out of obligation — she's married to him".

The marketing researchers also found something else interesting: the same people who said they would enjoy an experience, such as going to an art gallery, less if they were alone, were sent to a gallery alone or with a friend. The people who went alone enjoyed the experience just as much.

In recent years, we've been seeing a rise in going solo, including dining solo and traveling solo. Instead of staying home or going out but feeling self-conscious, people are going off on their own and even boasting about it. On Instagram, nearly 10 million posts are tagged solo travel. The visibility of this trend across different cultures suggests that once people overcome the fear of judgment, they often discover new forms of confidence and growth.

People I call "single at heart" — I'm one of them — love being single. In such cultural contexts, the growing visibility of "single at heart" people marks a subtle social shift in how being alone is publicly read. We cherish our freedom. Most of us greatly value our friends and the time we spend with them, but we are also happy with the time we have to ourselves. We're not scared of being alone, and that's a sort of superpower protecting us from feeling lonely.

In the life stories they have shared with me, the "single at heart" people described what they got out of their solo experiences.

They felt that they better developed as a person. For example, Eva, from England, who was 44 when she shared her story, said, "If you travel with another person, it is the relationship that is put to the test. If you go by yourself, it is the relationship with yourself that is put to the test", and that's where growth happens.

People who are "single at heart" often enjoy psychologically rich lives, full of diverse and interesting experiences. Openness to solo experiences can add to that richness. In Alone Time, Stephanie Rosenbloom writes: "When you're not sitting across from someone, you're sitting across from the world."

Some studies, such as my study on solo diners, as well as the art museum study, show that people going solo are perceived just as positively as people not going solo, and enjoy their experiences just as much. Other studies go beyond to show some experiences are more fun and more memorable when pursued solo. Other people can be distracting.

Marie, a 46-year-old "single at heart" woman from California, said: "In college I was a film critic and instinctively ... (learned) to go alone to any screening in order to hear my own thoughts and write a comprehensive review. I still approach outings that way: is this an experience to delve into my insular journey uninterrupted or something to share and merit discussion? Do I wish to go deep and get still with this or explore depth at a different level to bounce it back and forth with another/others' viewpoint?"

Concern over other people's judgments is unlikely to deter the "single at heart". As Joan, a 73-year-old from Delaware, said: "I travel all over the world without a companion, eat wherever I want to, and go to social events or public events by myself without a second thought, whether I know anyone who'll be there or not. That was never a problem for me, since I never felt a need to organize my life around what people I'd never seen before and would never see again might think."

Seen in a wider frame, this shift toward normalizing solo activities not only reflects a rise in personal autonomy but also carries civic implications. When more people are at ease going out on their own, cities and public spaces can respond by creating environments that are friendly both to groups and to individuals — from seating arrangements that welcome solo diners, to museums and parks that make room for solitary exploration. Designing for such diversity does not diminish community; it enriches it.

People who travel with other people, and dine with other people may think they are making a statement: "See, I have friends!" I think people who are doing these things on their own are making a more impressive statement: "I am comfortable on my own." In societies where belonging to a group has long been the default, that quiet assertion is more than personal — it can ripple outward as a cultural and civic signal of how we might live more inclusively.

The author is an academic affiliate in the Department of Psychological and Brain Sciences at the University of California, Santa Barbara.

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