Mom adopts own child to secure legitimacy

A 34-year-old Singaporean finance professional is adopting her own two-year-old daughter, to spare her the label of growing up as an illegitimate child.

Born out of wedlock, the toddler has never met her biological father, who has chosen to stay out of her life.

Her mother, Natalie (not her real name), said: "The label of illegitimacy carries a heavy emotional weight for both the child and mother. It suggests that a child's existence is somehow less valid or less desirable because the parents are not married.

"Adoption to me is a way of reclaiming that legitimacy — a way of saying we are a real family, and my daughter is a deeply loved and wanted child."

She also wants to cut off all legal ties her daughter has with her former boyfriend, who is the girl's biological father.

With the adoption, he has consented to give up his rights and responsibilities to the child.

Like Natalie's daughter, an average of 745 children a year were born out of wedlock to Singaporean mothers from 2020 to 2024, a reply to a parliamentary question on Oct 15 revealed.

Of this group of children, 12 were subsequently adopted by their biological parents within the same five-year period.

Under the Legitimacy Act 1934, a child whose parents are not legally married to each other when the child is born is considered illegitimate. This remains so unless the parents subsequently marry or adopt the child.

Singaporean Minister for Social and Family Development Masagos Zulkifli said in his response that the government does not differentiate benefits that support Singaporean children's growth and development based on their parents' marital status.

These benefits include subsidies for education, healthcare, child care and infant care, and the migrant domestic helper levy concession.

Single unwed parents do not need to adopt their own children to qualify for these government benefits, he said.

However, unwed parents do not get the Baby Bonus cash gift and tax benefits such as the Working Mother's Child Relief and Parenthood Tax Rebate, as they are meant to encourage parenthood within marriage, Masagos had said in previous parliamentary replies.

Lawyer Dorothy Tan said that one reason unwed parents adopt their own child is to sever the legal parent-child relationship with the other parent, such as the legal rights to custody and access to the child in the future.

The senior associate director at the family law and probate department at law firm PKWA said: "For example, if the biological parent is not fulfilling his or her responsibilities toward supporting the child, the other parent may wish to make it clear that he or she is the sole legal parent and the other parent cannot demand any visitation rights in the future."

June Lim, managing director of Eden Law corporation, said that based on the cases she has handled, it is usually the unwed mothers who adopt, given the maternal bond between mother and child.

Right to inherit

Gloria James-Civetta, head lawyer at GJC Law corporation, said some parents adopt their illegitimate child as adoption gives the child the right to inherit from their estate.

Without a will, an illegitimate child has no automatic right to inherit from his or her father's estate and may only inherit from their mother if she has no legitimate children, she said.

She said the stigma surrounding illegitimacy, rooted in both law and social norms, also motivates some parents to adopt, to confer legitimacy on their child.

She said: "Stigmatization may arise from being raised in an unconventional family structure, especially in Singapore's predominantly conservative society.

"Parenthood within marriage is viewed as the prevailing social norm, and the key to strong families. Consequently, the label of illegitimacy carries implications implying the opposite."

For Natalie, the adoption process, which she began in January, is still ongoing.

Before she is allowed to adopt her own daughter — like others who want to adopt someone else's child — she has to get a favorable assessment evaluating her readiness and suitability to adopt a child.

For the adoption suitability assessment report, she went through interviews with a social service professional on areas such as her family background, employment history and parenting style.

There were also multiple background checks, such as on her mental health history and any child abuse or family violence records.

She expects to spend about $6,000 for the adoption, which includes legal fees and the adoption assessment fee.

Natalie said that having to prove that she could care for her own daughter was "emotionally taxing", but the process helped her reflect on her parenting journey and reminded her that she is "capable and deserving" of being a mother.

"While I'm not proud of being a single unwed mother, I'm also not ashamed of it because at the end of the day, I'm the one who chose to take responsibility, to love and show up for my child wholeheartedly," she said.

THE STRAITS TIMES, SINGAPORE