A parent in town
Xu Jia, who graduated from college two years ago, works at a media company in Shanghai. Last year, she finally rented an apartment with a separate living room — small, but to her, a sign that she was starting to settle into the city. She invited her mother to spend the Chinese New Year with her.
Back home in Henan province, the holiday had always meant work for her mother: returning to extended family, cooking large meals, cleaning up long after everyone left the table.
When Xu offered the invitation, her mother accepted almost immediately.
Xu had repeatedly told her not to bring too much. When she finally saw her, her mother was carrying fruit, a chicken, a bracelet, and a seat cushion — because she worried her daughter might feel cold while writing. The new suitcase, weighed down by gifts, had lost a wheel.
"She brought everything she thought was good for me," Xu says.
Her mother quickly adapted to city life, discovering neighborhood markets and modest restaurants Xu herself had overlooked, stocking her refrigerator with cooking essentials.
On Chinese New Year's Eve, they wandered the streets until late afternoon, watching shops close one by one. The usually crowded avenues fell silent beneath rows of plane trees. Mother and daughter stood in the middle of the road, taking photos of each other.
"While everyone else was having a family reunion," Xu says, "we were just two rebellious, slightly misfit girls."
Dinner that night was simple — takeout and a few prepared dishes. On the first morning of the holiday, Xu slept in while her mother went to a nearby park, joining retirees singing and playing instruments.
"As an outsider in Shanghai, I pass that park every day," Xu notes. "But that world always felt far away. Being there with my mother made the city feel closer."
She still remembers the noisy Chinese New Year celebrations of her childhood. Family companionship, she admits, is undeniably warm. But returning home as an adult often means slipping back into old roles.
"You lose a sense of the independent person you've become outside."
Even so, she plans to head back this year to be with her grandmother. It feels easier now, she explains, because both she and her mother understand that they have choices.
