By Xie Fang (China Daily)
Updated: 2008-01-14 07:26

Name: "Never give up", her online nickname

Age: 26

Occupation: Clinical doctor

For this 26-year-old, telling her parents that she is lesbian is the hardest thing she has ever done in her life. The young woman, who wishes to remain anonymous, says that her mother and father were simply not ready to hear what she had to tell them.

"No parent is able to accept such a fact. That's always been true in China," she says.

Since the young woman came out of the closet, she has hardly spoken to her parents. The young woman says that ever since she was a child she preferred to dress like a male, despite her parents' efforts to make her more feminine.

She loved casual clothes, shunned high-heels and was always playing with boys, even though she felt no sexual attraction towards them. While studying medicine at university in Shenyang, Liaoning province, the young woman actively started seeking female partners.

Oblivious to her sexual preferences, her parents were busy arranging men for her to date.

"The pressure to marry increased dramatically after I graduated from university. At the beginning, I had to obey my parents' wish to date the young men they chose for me," she says. "I would find any excuse to end the relationships."

But this didn't discourage her parents, who worked even harder to find the "right guy".

It was around this time that the young woman's charade began to weigh down on her.

"I didn't want to hurt anyone anymore," she says. So she decided to open up to her family.

"Both my parents believe that I have certain physiological problems," she says. "They claim that it is a natural law for a woman to get married and give birth to a baby. How can I be an exception?"

They even took her to a top clinic in Beijing to seek advice. But the parents were disappointed when the doctor said their daughter was perfectly normal.

"Understanding from your family is more important than that of the outside world, because you have to face them everyday," she says. "If they were willing to accept me, I would be less depressed."

The young woman now has a girlfriend, a former university classmate who has not told her parents about the relationship.

The pair hopes to live together one day but don't have enough money to buy an apartment.

She envies men as their incomes are generally higher, and more jobs are available for them.

What's more, she says that it is traditional for a Chinese family to pay for their son's wedding and first house.

However, money is only one stumbling block for the couple. "Even if we were rich enough to buy a house, would our parents allow us to live together?" she asks.

Yet despite the rift between her and her parents, the young woman says she doesn't regret her decision to be honest with them.

"It is my life, and it is my right to choose the lifestyle I want," she says.

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