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Double happiness
(eastday.com)
Updated: 2004-06-01 08:39 For Children's Day, reporters
Xu Wei, Tian Yi and Jin Haili talk to three families who have been doubly
blessed with twins: one set of newborns, another of toddlers, and a third
preparing to exit the childhood years.
Exhausted, but loving parents tell them that the double difficulties of
raising twins -- and there are plenty -- are more than made up for by the joys
Xu Wei It's like that old Doublemint commercial: Twins are double the pleasure,
double the fun -- and double trouble.
Ask Shi Yu, whose life changed immediately and dramatically with the arrival
of twin daughters Kunkun and Jinjin four months ago. Shi, 31, a human resources
manager, describes their arrival as a ``special and priceless gift to the
family.'' Even now, Shi says, their different personalities can be discerned.
Kunkun, the elder sister, is reserved and composed. She seldom laughs or cries,
while Jinjin is vivacious, smiling at everyone. ``My wife and I joke that Kunkun
will become an academic, while Jinjin's outgoing personality will make her a
successful businesswoman,'' he says. ``They're different individuals, but we
love them in the same way.'' To Shi, twins offer the rare experience of watching
two outwardly similar children grow in different ways -- and the freshness of
diversity. ``When I'm tired of carrying one baby, I just put her down and carry
the other,'' Shi quips. ``Twins bring vitality to our family and help make every
moment fresh, happy and warm.'' Of course, twins are also, famously, double
trouble. There are two children to feed, clothe and bathe, two children to
attend when they begin crying simultaneously -- and while parents of singletons
can grab some rest while the baby naps, twins don't always nap at the same time.
``All our time is devoted to caring for the twins,'' Shi says. ``We haven't been
out for ages.'' That is the price of this precious gift. And there is also the
doubled price of milk powder, diapers, toys and even baby insurance. But Shi is
not complaining: his twins, he says, are worth the cost. Tian Yi Twin sons: a
blessing -- or a curse? Zhu Jianxin and Ye Hong, the parents of 5-year-old twin
brothers, say frankly that it was ``a mixed blessing.''
Zhu, 38, an English professor at the College of Foreign Languages and
Literature at Fudan University, and Ye, 36, a lab technologist working at a
joint-venture hospital, knew that once their little boys were born, their lives
would undergo a sea change. They just didn't know much. ``Before Guanghao and
Guanghan were born, friends advised us to get as much sleep as possible, as it
may be our last chance for a long time,'' says Zhu. ``Now I realize that they
could not be more right.'' Looking back on five years with twins, though, the
parents say that sleep wasn't even the biggest issue: It was health. When one of
the twins got sick, the other one would, as well, and the stress and burden of
caring for two sick children immediately doubled. ``There were two whole months
when the twins were 2 years old when they fell ill in turns. First, the younger
one got chicken pox, and although we kept the elder one at my mother's home, he
caught it, as well. Then they caught flu, and then acute gastroenteritis,''
recalls Ye, her heart still fluttering with fear at the thought of it. Still, a
mixed blessing is still a blessing, and Zhu and Ye can't hide their pride and
joy in their children. Zhu Guanghao, nicknamed Dada (big), is a quiet, shy boy.
If he takes a liking to a person, he can be very generous: He will give him or
her a litchi, colorful stickers, a small red candy box or another of his
treasures. By contrast, Zhu Gaohan, Xiaoxiao (small), who is only two minutes
younger, is already a master at the art of impressing people. He is always the
first one to start a conversation, even with strangers. Their conversations are
heartwarmingly amusing: Xiaoxiao: How can we get our brides? Dada: We can look
for our brides at places where people have weddings. Xiaoxiao: But in that way
those brides are not ours. Zhu Jianxin is as strict with his twin sons as his
parents were with him, so in the eyes of the little brothers, dad is ``an
awe-inspiring figure,'' not ``as sweet as our mom.'' One day they even said that
they did not want to grow up, because if so, there would be three dads in the
family and that would be very scary. ``Despite their looks, the twin brothers
are totally different in other aspects, especially in terms of their
personalities,'' the senior Zhu says. ``But they care so much about each other
and just cannot live without each other.'' Jin Haili Beginning next year,
Children's Day will become just a memory for Fan Ying and Fan Qijie: the
male-female fraternal twins (called pigeon twins in Chinese) will turn 14 years
old next year, an age when they are no longer considered children.
``I will yearn for my childhood, as it will probably be more difficult to
make friends when I grow up,'' says the elder sister Fan Ying in a low and soft
voice. ``Nonsense!'' retorts the younger brother, who was only two minutes
behind in that crucial race 13 years ago. ``Trust me, life will be all the
same.'' The pair may not fill the conventional image of twins since despite
sharing the same birthday, they are obviously different in so many ways.
Suntanned Qijie is taller and thinner. His only hobby is shooting, and he takes
occasional lessons at the sports school for teenagers in the city's northeast
Yangpu District. Fan Ying, by contrast, has a strong affection towards academic
study, arts and music. Knowing her story is for an English paper, she even
suggests conducting the interview in English. Ever since they were in
kindergarten together, they had decided that they would act as independent
individuals, without harping on the twin thing. Everyone in their class knows
that they are twins, but that's where the story ends. ``A teacher in their
primary school once had them sit next to each other but I was firmly against the
idea,'' recalls the twins' mother Chen Fengzheng. ``I don't want them to feel
that they can rely on the other and then to work less hard.'' It is said that a
woman receives a second life after giving birth to a baby. And to the coveted
mother of a pigeon pair, the sweetness is doubled. Whenever it is her birthday
or Mother's Day, her daughter will give her a little gift like candles or small
vases to show her gratitude while the boy, who has no sense of any dates other
than his own birthday, will often massage her back to release the muscle stress
caused by household chores. ``The advantage of their being so different is that
they will never annoy me at the same time,'' says the sanguine mother, beaming.
However, differences inevitably make for disputes, and for a pigeon pair who
have to face each other for almost every single minute, it may even cause fierce
battles sometimes. ``She always overstates my faults or even frames a case
against me before our parents, which often gets me a severe beating,'' complains
Qijie with his eyebrows almost knitted. ``I am only telling the truth and
sometimes he's really standing on my nerves when I find my textbooks torn apart
or the pencils secretly disappear,'' the sister fights back. If mom had given
birth to only one of you, would life be much easier and happier? ``Sure,'' both
of them nodded in agreement. Then what if one of you left right now and stayed
far away for a fairly long time? A long and embarrassing silence ensues before
Qijie finds his tongue first. ``That would be weird,'' he says, pausing as he
searches for the right words. ``It may feel like that you suddenly lose your
shadow without being notified beforehand, even if that shadow is an annoyance.''
For their last Children's Day wish, the twins want nothing more than to have
their lives change as little as possible when they are on the other side of
childhood.
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