Double trouble of twin girls in two cultures

Raising twins is complicated in any environment but when they are raised in a multicultural home the situation can get complicated and sometimes quite messy.

The first issue is how to address them.

Somewhere I read that it's best not to emphasize which twin is technically older.

Sibling rivalry is sometimes heightened among twins, and even the smallest edge can be something to fight about. Some parents withhold the information about who was born first from their children for years.

In our girls' first few days of life, I saw that this would not be a possibility for our family.

This disclosure is one of many ways that Chinese childrearing methods have taken hold in our North American home.

When they were born, my Chinese-born wife and her mother immediately began talking about "the big one" and "the little one." They meant age, not size.

Every Chinese person who came to visit wanted to know which one was big and which was little. They still do.

I don't think I've ever heard any of them ask how great the age difference is. I used to volunteer that it was only a minute. They would nod politely - and promptly continue with "big/little".

I've overheard some Chinese utterances that sound strange to my ear. "The little one is actually bigger than the big one!" She certainly is because she is quite an eater.

I don't know if it's just a way to refer to them, since older/younger is built into the common Mandarin words for siblings, or if the terms carry their full weight, suggesting that the older one deserves a little extra respect.