They're called wait staff for a reason

I took my wife, Ellen, to a lovely looking restaurant. I'd often passed it on my walks around the neighborhood, and decided we'd give it a try.

We were shown to our table by one waitress, and then another handed us menus the size and thickness of telephone directories.

Then a third demanded to take our order.

I hadn't even opened the menu at that point, let alone thought about what I fancied eating, so I asked Ellen to tell the waitress to give us some time to weigh up the options.

To which the waitress rolled her eyes, sighed, and continued to stand by the table like a statue, clutching her order pad. Every time I turned a page in the menu, she'd sigh again, and tap her pen pointedly against her pad, as if to emphasize my indecisiveness.

At this point, I imagine that you think that the restaurant was packed to the rafters, and the kitchen staff were flat out filling the orders.

We were the only two customers in the restaurant.

This push, push, push waiting style is killing me. I don't have time to think about what I really want, I have to make snap decisions on meals - and I don't like it.

I like to take my time over ordering food. I'm used to waiters seating me, then disappearing for a good 10 minutes, while I pour over the menu, sizing up the choices. They reappear, take my order, then gently bring each dish in succession, making sure that the wine flows.

Of course, there have been a few strange instances along the way, like the Japanese wine waiter in Tokyo, who approved of my choice so much that he joined me at my table, poured himself a glass, and generally made himself at home.

I wouldn't have minded, but I was paying for him to drink my wine!

In Shijiazhuang, Hebei province, I was told of a wonderful restaurant, where my colleagues swore the food was the best they'd ever had. So I decided to go there, and see if it lived up to the hype.

Imagine my surprise when I arrived just after noon, and had to wake up the staff. The sign on the door showed that they opened at 11 am, so they definitely served lunch!

One memorable lunch in Beijing saw the waitress bring a random selection of dishes to the table, before I'd even ordered anything. The first touched down on the table about a minute after I'd opened the menu, and was swiftly followed by another four in five minutes.

I looked around the empty restaurant, just to make sure that this wasn't happening to anyone else, before using the translator on my phone to ask the waitress what was going on.

It transpired that I'd come in at the end of the lunch period, and the chef was knocking off for the day. I could either eat the dishes that were served, or find somewhere else to eat!

After I selected one of the dishes, the waiting staff removed the rest to another table, and had them for their lunch. I was left feeling that I would have been better off joining them, as they laughed and talked with each other.

Waiting staff can make or break a restaurant with their style, and they need to find a balance between setting the table and hurrying customers outside.

But it seems that some Chinese waiting staff haven't figured out the key part of their jobs - waiting.