The heart of distinctions between romance and love

I'm no romantic.

It's fortunate I'm a female because my idea of professing my love, in the case of my then-boyfriend-now-husband, was to put itching powder down his pants.

That would have pretty well closed the door on the relationship if the roles were reversed.

Every day is Valentine's Day for couples in their fresh throes of love, but for the rest of us, those who lack adequate REM sleep due to our partner's sonic snoring, have woken up next to the Crypt Keeper's twin sister, kept sensibly quiet about his football fanaticism or her shopping marathons, yes, we need a day to mark a celebration of our love.

Anniversaries are a retrospective of where we started, and how far we've traveled. But Valentine's Day marks where we are today and hope to be tomorrow.

For guys, Valentine's Day is the romantic equivalent of scoring a Hail Mary pass in the final seconds of a tie-breaker. The times you left the toilet seat up, forgot your anniversary, told her the roast could have used more seasoning - all this and more are forgiven with the annual offering of flowers, gifts and a candlelit dinner. USA Today reports men spend an average of $169 on Valentine's Day to, as one respondent put it, "stay out of the doghouse".

Valentine's Day in China is a recent import.

Setting aside the fact that public displays of affection are as common as orderly lines at the train station, the more entrepreneurial types wholeheartedly flog the sales of flowers at 300 percent profit and pricey set dinners with a couple glasses of cheap Champagne.

But while the foreign influence of Valentine's Day has got a foothold in China, it doesn't seem to have affected the older crowd. This is not surprising as the traditional Chinese idea of romance steers away from anything that involves confessing their lifelong love - unless on their deathbed, or revealing that it was he/she that secretly supported their love interest's dream of being a doctor/lawyer/artist, or admitting that their unrequited love but lifelong friend is really the father of her child - well, you get the picture.

The three words heard most in a Chinese relationship is not "I love you" but rather, "How much money?" That is not to say the Chinese are not romantic, but practicality and busy schedules play a big part as evidenced in the Chinese valentine story The Cowherd and the Weaving Maid. Due to major in-law issues, the mythical couple is swept apart for eternity and allowed to meet only once a year. The popularity of this tale only goes to show that time-wise, family and business receive the lion's share of Chinese couples' concerns, and bringing home a bouquet of flowers or a pearl necklace may generate more suspicion than gratitude.

But don't get romance confused with love. In Chinese families, love is measured not in hugs or words of encouragement but rather in long hours toiling at the workplace or over a hot stove, decades without a vacation and a nest egg sacrificed for their children's education and, finally, their own home.

Don't judge us because we proffer a handshake or a bow. Close personal contact is not the Asian way.

Even today, my hugging style is awkward. It's a half-lean into their chest while my bony elbows karate chop their backs. However love is expressed - in flowers, gifts, kisses or sacrifice - let it always be this: Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way.

It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful and endures through every circumstance.

Happy Valentine's Day!