By Patrick Whiteley (China Daily)
Updated: 2007-10-25 07:16

My Chinese language teacher was in hysterics after finally understanding the meaning of an unusual colloquial English phrase. Her previous student, my Aussie mate Ben, had written the colorful phrase on the whiteboard, and told teacher Ding that I would translate before class began.

The statement read: "I could eat the crotch out of a low flying duck." It was lunch time and Ben was obviously very hungry.

For the next few minutes the teacher and I discussed the different aspects of the expression, however, she was continually puzzled to find the humor.

Why was it a duck? Why was it low flying? And what is a crotch? All the elements of the joke were explained and none made any sense to my curious friend. Why was this a funny expression? She asked.

Her rationale was fair enough. Ducks are delicious, they sometimes fly low to the ground, and the genital area of many animals are popular dishes for some in China.

The tide of understanding turned when she finally understood that Ben was so hungry he would reach up to the sky and grab the most foulest and dirtiest food he could lay his hands on, even if it tasted absolutely disgusting to him. I explained that Ben was so famished that he would even eat the duck's droppings.

To the teacher, big Ben's hunger was really funny, not the crotch of the low flying duck. The image of the former rugby player eating duck droppings was really funny.

The following language class was as challenging as ever, and it confirmed once again I have a lot to understand about the people of the Middle Kingdom and their ways.

If you ever hear one of those smarty expats boast about how learning Chinese is straightforward and basic, he or she is lying through their teeth.

Sentences are twisted and there are hidden agendas everywhere. Chinese often give vague, indefinite and even evasive answers to direct questions.

Where are you going? (Ni qu nar?) can receive the usual vague reply: "I'm go nowhere (Wo buqu nar)." If a nosy friend notices you carrying shopping bags and asks what you bought, you have every right to say "I bought nothing" even if you're also being followed by an Ikea truck and there are four workers unloading the 10-piece dining room suite into your apartment.

However, Chinese humor is universally funny. I'm learning characters, and after learning a new batch of words, I have to read an amusing story.

I'm a bit like teacher Ding and I don't laugh immediately, because I'm reading each word slowly like a 5-year-old and there is no flow. I don't get the punch line straight away but a few moments later when I get it, there is always a smile on my dial.

The following is a typical joke. A guy goes into a late-night tavern and notices one fellow sitting alone and talking aloud to himself. This bleary-eyed bloke is laughing one moment and then looking angry the next. He asks the gibberer about his odd behavior and the drunk says: "I'm telling myself jokes ... when I hear a new one I laugh, but if I've heard it before it really makes me angry."

(China Daily 10/25/2007 page20)