How to help children to control their bad tempers?

I often hear about the ‘terrible 2’s”, but only realize how tough it was when it really came to me; thus the occasional little ‘bad tempers’ Nicole showed to me in her earlier second year turns out to be cute and sweet ones in my memory. Nevertheless, I struggled to try my best not to blame her for her tantrums when they happened, although I failed to lose control once or twice.

Dictionaries define a tantrum simply as “a fit of bad temper.” We adults also have bad tempers sometimes because of frustration, sometimes because of a lack of control over the environment, and sometimes simply because of anger, hunger or fatigue. However, we can manage to head off a tantrum most of the time, for we are old enough to get more practice dealing with those annoying cases. And when we cannot, we are usually able to lose our tempers with angry words.

The same triggers that are responsible for us, and even more than those, can set off toddlers’ tantrums as well. Just imagine how helpless the little people are when they are facing unfamiliar things and are overwhelmed by certain unknown feelings. Even a one-year old baby kicks and screams when she doesn’t get what she wants. Therefore it’s not surprising for us to see some toddlers screaming, or kicking or throwing themselves on the floor in public. Lacking verbal skills, they can only express their feelings in these ways, which make both the parent and child suffer.

Nicole’s brief’s stay in our hometown triggered her tantrums during her 22nd month. I think there are was a lot behind it. Needless to say, how tired and bored she was during the flight. A seemingly endless period of forced sitting, sleepiness and erratic eating disrupted her routines. And when we finally arrived at our destination, it was a totally unfamiliar environment to her. All her favorite things were gone, replaced by unknown people in an unknown world. The elderly were fond of her, and everyone wanted to give her a warm cuddle. Excited grandparents always took her away by holding her firmly in the arms, regardless of how unwillingness she was. People like to talk loudly and laughing loudly. It was a warm and lively environment for us adults, but it may have been a little horrible for her. Because it was totally different from where she grew up – a quiet place with not too many people around when going outside, whereas they normally stood fone or two steps away from her when talking to her.

She must have been scared by this kind of enthusiasm, for she was getting more attached to me. If someone wanted to cuddle her, she always cried and tried to push their hands away, then hold to my neck tightly. If grandparents insisted on it and took her away, she cried first to show her refusal and struggled hard to escape. When the efforts failed, she stopped crying and started to scratch on their faces. Poor girl, she was so upset, so much crying, no appetite at all, she was not as joyful as she was here. Later I persuaded the grandparents to follow her way, but it was too late. She became cross and irritable. She threw things away when she was unhappy, no matter what they were. She threw herself on the ground and lied down to show her discontent. She scratched people if they took her by their arms. Then everyone thought my little girl had a ‘bad temper’.