Teach or shield them?
(straitstimes.com)
Updated: 2003-12-03 10:20

It's the moment of truth for every parent. Shelter your children from the world outside, or help them face life's realities head-on? I ended up choosing both

Talk about the mother of all parental traps.

You come home exhausted from a humdinger of a day at work, and your six-year-old asks as he greets you at the door: 'Hey Dad, what's oral sex?'

In that split second after I picked my jaw up from the floor, I knew I only had three options.

One: Chicken out ('Go ask your mother.').

Two: Tell the whole truth ('Well, Josh, you see, it's like this. Grown-ups sometimes do certain things to...').

Three: Don't tell the whole truth. Embellish it.

I chose Option Three. Why? Because, honestly, I'd seen this day coming for a long while. And I'd known once my elder son hit kindergarten, such days would be a dime a dozen.

After all, for nearly two years now, since he started glueing himself to the TV news bulletins every evening to catch 'Daddy's story', he's had his fair dose of reality TV - too much at such a young age, many would say.

He's learnt words like 'al-Qaeda', 'Sars', 'JI', 'suicide bomber', 'child molestation', 'Aids', 'Slim 10' and now, 'oral sex'.

These are words which should never form part of any pre-schooler's vocabulary, but they have wormed their way into his subconscious.

So much so that in his mind, a certain city in north-east Asia will always be associated with a killer virus, and any mention of Bali or Iraq will only remind him of disturbing images of destruction.

My immediate gut reaction as a father? I wanted to wish the moment away. But then the irony of it all hit me.

Just one week before, I was sitting in an auditorium packed with over 400 schoolteachers, listening to several media colleagues and ex-colleagues lament the growing divide between textbook knowledge in the classroom and real-world, practical education among today's youths.

Many teachers I spoke to later agreed that a 'disconnect' exists, with one saying the current primary and secondary curriculum 'doesn't open up enough windows in our children's minds'.

Another added that it's almost impossible to get a typical grade-obsessed student remotely interested in anything - with the exception of pop culture and sports - that doesn't directly impact his next exam.

Current affairs? Government policy? Global politics? Forget about it.

How sad but true, I thought, recalling how clueless nine out of 10 youngsters had been when I'd asked them, as part of a random straw poll for a feature story, which Asian country had recently sent a man into space, or who Malaysia's new Prime Minister is, or what Apec stands for.

So shouldn't I be thankful that even before hitting Primary One, my son already seems so interested and inquisitive? Yes and no.

As a journalist and a Dad, my biggest hope is to equip my kids with time-tested values to prepare them for a healthy dose of reality outside the engineered comforts of home, so that when life throws them a curveball, they'll be ready for it.

But precisely because I'm a journalist Dad, I'm also in the best position to realise what they need to know and what they don't at any stage of their lives.

In other words, what a child in kindergarten can handle and should be made aware of, versus what he should still be sheltered from at no detriment to himself.

Examples of the former? What made some very bad people blow up a crowded building and kill innocent lives in another country. Why a teenage soldier suddenly died while he was training in the army. Why so many passengers are angry about paying $5 more to buy a card. Why SIA pilots and bosses seem to be fighting again. And yes, even who Abdullah Badawi is, or for that matter, Goh Chok Tong, George W. Bush, Saddam Hussein, Osama bin Laden, Megawati or Hu Jintao.

But I reckon I won't be doing my six-year-old son a disservice - not yet, anyway - if I don't go into as much sordid detail about what Section so-and-so of the Penal Code says or doesn't say about a particular sexual act, or what unspeakable crimes music superstars abroad are being accused of.

Yes, as with all kids, he'll want the whole truth someday, somehow. Probably sooner than I think. And my job is to be there for him to fill in those blanks, if he's mature enough.

Someday, for instance, I will have to sit him down and explain why he should never let another person touch certain parts of his body, and what he should do and who he should turn to if someone tries to do just that.

Until that moment comes, I will have to take a chance and just trust in the goodness of the people he encounters each day.

So what did I say to Joshua that evening?

Well, to him 'oral sex' now means saying bad, insulting words that will really hurt someone of the opposite sex (not 'talking non-stop about sex', as a few well-intentioned friends had suggested).

He seemed satisfied with Daddy's explanation, and went on to ask how Mrs Lee Kuan Yew was doing in hospital, and whether Australia would win the Rugby World Cup.

I smiled and gave him a big hug.

Keep the questions coming, my son. Daddy's listening.

(Courtesy of Straitstimes)

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