Gays live a difficult life under social bias
By Raymond Zhou (China Daily)
Updated: 2005-09-06 06:25

Before that materialized, Gu was faced with the biggest penalty he could imagine: the incident was reported to his parents.

His father was so furious he disowned the son. "I wish I'd never had you as my son," he yelled.

The news struck Gu Du's mother as a bolt of lightning from the sky. She fell sick and had to be hospitalized. His brother and sister refused to talk to him any more, saying they were "ashamed of having a sibling who's abnormal."

The gay film "East Palace, West Palace" is directed by Zhang Yuan. [baidu]

In despair, Gu Du thought of killing himself. "I couldn't go to work again. Even though they didn't fire me, I had to suffer the looks from all my colleagues," he told China Daily.

He ended up leaving Chengdu for Hangzhou, a city where he didn't know anyone and nobody knew he was gay.

Family pressure

Last November, government agencies published a report that put the number of gay men in China who are "of a sexually active age" at 5-10 million. Scientists say this is the low end of the estimate. They figure that there are around 30-40 million homosexual men and women in total.

In 1997, China's Criminal Law decriminalized sodomy. In 2001, homosexuality was removed from the list of mental disorders by health authorities.

But the changing law does not necessarily change public perception. Most gay people interviewed for this story agree that the single biggest source of pressure and stigma comes from their own families. "My employer doesn't care about my private life, and the neighbourhood grandma is not nosy any more. But there's no way I can get past my own mum and dad," said Lu Youni, a Guangzhou high school teacher.

Most parents cannot imagine in their wildest dreams that their children could be gay. They usually do not pick up the subtle signals that hint that their kids may be attracted to those of their own sex. When revelation dawns, it is normally such a shock that it feels like falling into a vortex of tongue-tied humiliation.

"They'd rather I became paralyzed, so that they could give me unconditional love and sympathy. If I became an alien, at least they would be curious about me," said Gu Du.

Unlike Gu, a few people take the calculated step of "coming out" to their parents. Fei Xue, a Jiangsu man who works in a local tax agency, had maintained a very close relationship with his father, who is a medical expert. Believing he was in a better position than most gay men whose parents are "less educated about these things," Fei showed his diary to his father, in which he detailed his emotional life. Father thumbed through each page, and then left his room quietly.

The next day, his father told him to cut off all connections with his gay friends and forbade him to leave his hometown for work elsewhere. "Now I advise others to be extremely cautious before they come out," he sighed.

There are occasional reports of parents who acquiesce or look the other way. Some are well - informed enough to know that their gay children do not have any "disease," they are just different from the majority. Others can accept it as long as their gay children are happy. But insiders suggest that these "Wedding Banquet" scenarios are few and far between.

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