True love for rural residents is costly

This Valentine's Day was meant to be the best day of Tang Zenan's life. He was set to tie the knot with his girlfriend on the holiday but couldn't help but feel pressured by the huge cost of the wedding.

Tang, a villager in Anhui province, ended up spending most of his family's savings preparing for the big day. He had to borrow 40,000 yuan ($6,597) from friends and relatives for a "betrothal gift" required by the girl's family.

"My mother-in-law has even forced me to make a written pledge promising that the debt will not be repaid by her daughter," Tang said. "It seems as though the money issue has made the marriage lose its original meaning."

According to traditional Chinese customs, the groom's family is expected to pay for a house, a grand wedding ceremony and a banquet, as well as betrothal gifts that usually come in the form of cash wrapped in a red envelope.

In the countryside, where people make far less money and attach greater importance to tradition than their urban counterparts, men of marriageable age often find themselves under economic pressure.

Tan Xia, 27, is from a village in impoverished Linquan county, Anhui province. After graduation, he returned to his hometown and became a village official. Since then, Tan's family has been busy setting him up with potential brides. He has gone on a dozen dates, but nothing clicked. "I am looking for a love that is free from the restraint of money," he said.

According to Tan, betrothal gifts in his village average 100,000 yuan, while the annual income of a farmer there is about 4,000 yuan.

"If the groom's family fails to provide the gift money required by the bride's family, the woman's side will feel disgraced and it may even end the relationship. So the man's family usually makes every effort to raise the money," said Tan.

Tan's elder brother spent 300,000 yuan to get married in 2009, which cost his parents all their savings. His family was not able to repay the debt until 2012.

The problems faced by Tan are shared by many others. According to a survey of 100,000 young people last year by Jiayuan.com, a dating website, more than 40 percent of women polled believed that men who spend a lot during their first dates are more likely to have a generous personality.

People in the countryside tend to cling to tradition, so marriage customs there haven't changed much, said Fan Hesheng, professor of sociology at Anhui University.

To improve the situation, young people and their families should pay less attention to economic benefits and peer pressure, while local governments should help by advocating frugal wedding ceremonies, he said.