Author's advice to achieve A Complaint Free World
By Wendy Qian (China Daily)
Updated: 2010-07-26 09:49
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Will Bowen, the author of A Complaint Free World, the worldwide bestseller that moved millions of Chinese people, recently came to Beijing to share more of his success theory.
Bowen said he had been reading The Analects of Confucius on his way to China.
"Confucius teaches us to accept things we can't change as the way they are - 'It is what it is,'" he said.
Bowen understands that the idea that "complaining is not good" has been proposed and discussed by many philosophers and religions before, but the tool - the purple bracelet - is Bowen's innovative concept.
In April 2006, Bowen gave away 250 purple bracelets and invited recipients to challenge themselves by not complaining for 21 days. If they catch themselves complaining before then, they have to switch the bracelet to the other hand and start counting from the start. People pledging to create a complaint-free life soon became a worldwide movement.
A year after the initial event, Bowen wrote A Complaint Free World and started an affiliated non-religious NGO in response to several inquiries from people asking for the definition and negative effects of complaining.
At present, 6,258,952 purple bracelets have been distributed around the world, which Bowen notes is completely unexpected. Thousands of people have been communicating constructively and thinking positively after trying out his project.
Despite the public doubt, Bowen is certain that "successful people don't complain."
"We're not asking people to take whatever comes in their way. [The goal of the project] is to have healthy communication skills," Bowen said.
"All positive change comes from dissatisfaction, it's not complaining if you communicate directly with the person who can change the situation. But many people just don't do it."
"[The bracelet challenge] will transform your life," Bowen said.
Bowen himself had broken three bracelets before he achieved his first 21-day stretch without a complaint. He now wears the bracelet as a reminder.
"I was the biggest complainer you could ever meet," he said.
He believes the mouth is like a purchaser of complaints while the brain is the manufacturer. When one becomes aware of the amount of complaints purchased and limits it, they will in turn reduce the complaints and negative opinions or emotions produced.
"People complain about anything and everything," said Bowen, such as their family, work and health.
But "complaining diverts the attention from solving the problem itself" and relationships can be damaged through complaints.
In his book, Bowen states through facts that venting through complaining doesn't lessen the anger.
"If complaining is supposed to make you happier, then the happiest person should be the biggest complainer. But that's simply not true."
One chapter is devoted to explain the five main reasons behind complaining, called G.R.I.P.E. - they want to Get attention, Remove themselves from Responsibility, Inspire envy or brag, have Power over someone, or Excuse their own poor performance.
Bowen also provides interesting relationship-mending strategies such as writing obituaries for each other and reading them aloud sincerely.
Bowen said he has found the answer to why this has become a worldwide phenomenon.
"People around the world agree on two things - one, there is too much complaining, and two, the world is not the way we want it to be. I think there is a correlation between the two, which is why people are motivated to lessen their complaints and change the world."