A nightmare unfolding in slow motion

Oklahoma has four distinct seasons, but unlike many places, the four seasons can all come in one day. It's possible to have a chilly morning, a hot midday, a cozy afternoon and an evening with storms capable of producing tornados.

Having lived here for five years, I have grown accustomed to the capriciousness of the elements, but what are the plants and animals supposed to think. Are frogs posting on social media sites for frogs that groundhogs, which are supposed to predict the arrival of spring, are lousy weathermen. Flowers in my yard often start to bud in spring on a warm day, but freeze and wither before they have a chance to bloom. This year has been rather congenial, as we have had quite a number of consistently warm days, which allowed the flowers to fully bloom.

However, I had been living in uneasy anticipation, like a tenant waiting for the thud of the second shoe after the first one, dropped on the floor in the middle of the night, has woken him up. Sure enough, we soon had a hail storm that turned trees, shrubs and lawns into a stunning crystal landscape you would only expect to find in a fairy tale. When I went out for a walk I found that many trees and branches had been brought down by the weight of the ice. Returning home I happened to find a few readers commented on my blog about the pressure of living in some of China's biggest cities.

One of my readers complained that her classmate, a PhD graduate from Tsinghua University, a top university in China, is struggling with financial difficulties, as the property prices in Beijing are prohibitive and the cost of raising a child is also very high. I am sympathetic, but it reminds me of the trees that were brought down and damaged in the storm.

Sometimes overwhelming stress results from wanting too much, wanting things that we can't actually afford, in other words, having ambitions that our abilities cannot support. Under such stress, many tend to blame the ills of the macro-environment, ignoring the fact that others are prospering in the same environment. I have strong feelings about this issue as I have seen so many Chinese parents push their children a little too hard in pursuit of success, and I have seen people push themselves to get doctoral degrees even though they are not interested in an academic life at all. This would be fine, if they accepted the consequences and the sacrifices they've made instead of constantly complaining about them.

I have noticed that young college graduate students in China sometimes refuse to consider working anywhere other than Beijing, Shanghai or Guangzhou, yet without the potential to support their ambitions, they will get lost in the storms of life. While it is important to be the best we can possibly be every step of the way, we should also identify and develop a niche for ourselves where it is possible to lead a healthy and productive life, and we should constantly recalibrate our definition of success at different stages of life.

Some people pursue success in total disregard of their own ability to compete in their chosen field. Although the biggest cities may seem to present the most opportunities, that might not be the case when viewed in a personal context. Sometimes it is better to be a big fish in a small pond, where the pressure is lower and the quality of life better. A life limited to work is a nightmare unfolding in slow motion.

Allow me to continue my analogy with the trees in the storm. Before coming home, I feared that the redbud in my front yard would not survive the storm, as the wood is rather brittle. But I found it did not break, largely because the leaves had not yet come out so there was less weight on the branches. It is taking its time to grow, I hope that people can learn from its example.

The author is a US-based instructional designer, literary translator and columnist writing on cross-cultural issues.

(China Daily 04/25/2013 page8)