The Week January 15, 2010

Come visit ‘Puff the Magic Dragon’

A new programme to help smokers quit could begin at Chinese hospitals.

Nurses –incidentally not here modeling how they intend to impede smokers – will offer medical and psychological help.

It’s part of a wider clampdown on smoking. China is noticeably more lax than the West allowing smokers to light up in public places, and marketing China as a ‘smokers’ paradise’ has been suggested. Slogan: ‘The Land of the Imperial High Tar Dynasty’. Mascot: Puff the Magic Dragon. The new anti-smoking push undermines all this, and the tourism industry may get ratty, though will be okay after a cigarette.

Longer is better

As the luxury sedan market spirals in China, car makers are vying to make limousines more alluring. Men equate length of vehicle with manhood, and the ‘must-have’ modes of transport all boast extra inches. Now, designers are trying to find new ways for further saloon augmentation. It’s all great news for men in the pub, as well as at the wheel. At long last, the question ‘how long is yours?’ can now be expressed rather than merely wondered.

China’s ‘big child’ policy

A rising number of Chinese babies are being born by Cesarean section. One explanation is the ‘octo-cesarean’ – mothers wanting babies born on lucky 8th day. Yet the average weight of a baby in China is now 3.5kg, a kilo up from the average in the 1980s. The increasing number of Cesareans could be due to China’s new ‘big child’ policy.

Cat stuck for cash

A cat has got stuck in an ATM machine in Jiangsu province. It may win an award for originality, as other cats get stuck up trees

‘I name this ticket…’

A name-based system for train tickets is to be introduced, after queues like this in China’s train stations. Scientists have protested, saying these are perfect conditions for testing the theory that the queue next to you always goes faster. .

Mother jumps off, as son won’t log off

Mother of an internet-addicted son jumped from her balcony in a fit of rage, after arguing with her boy over his online fixation. The woman may never walk again. Her son is currently Googling experimental physiotherapy techniques. And from today may even get a full set of results.

Calorie threat to Giant Panda

And now…Panda Update….ten pandas loaned to Shanghai Zoo are settling in nicely, it’s been reported. Their deluxe habitat is the equivalent of a Panda Hilton - with slides, climbing frames and CCTV, so lucky pandas, they’ll be able to watch the news. The lady pandas even have a pond in which, the zookeeper says, they like to admire themselves. This sign of vanity has heightened fears of the extinction of the Giant Panda. The appearance-conscious lady pandas may embark on calorie-controlled bamboo-leaf diets–turning the Giant Panda into the Petite Panda.