蝶吻

他的吻讓我走出了童年的陰影，從一個自卑的小女孩成長為一個自信的女人、母親、演說家和作家。我一直都沒有意識到，即使在睡夢中，他也用他的方式表達著對我的愛……

By Meria Rainer

艾波 選注

My newlywed husband said the same thing every morning. “You’re beautiful today.”

One glance in the mirror revealed that it was far from the truth[1].

A skinny girl with mashed hair on one side of her head and no makeup smiled back at me.[2] I could feel my sticky[3] morning breath.

“Liar,” I shot back with a grin.[4]

It was my usual response. My mother’s first husband was not a kind man and his verbal and physical abuse[5] forced her and her two children to find a safe place. He showed up[6] on her doorstep one day with roses. She let him in and he beat her with those roses and took advantage of her[7]. Nine months later she gave birth to a 9lb. 13oz. baby girl—me.[8]

The harsh words we heard growing up took root[9]. I had trouble seeing myself as someone of value. I had been married two years when I surprised myself. My husband wrapped his arms around me and told me I was beautiful.

“Thank you,” I said.

The same thin girl with the mousy brown hair still stared back at me in the mirror，but somehow the words had finally blossomed in my heart.[10]

A lot of years have passed. My husband has grey in his hair[11]. I’m no longer skinny. Last week I woke up and my husband’s face was inches from mine.

“What are you doing?” I asked.

I covered my mouth, trying to hide my morning breath. He reached down and kissed my face.

“What I do every morning,” he said.

He leaves in the early hours of the morning while I sleep. I miss our morning conversations，but I had not realized that he continued to tell me that he loved me even while I slept. When he left, I rolled over and hugged my pillow. I envisioned the picture of me lightly snoring with my mouth open and giggled.[12]

What a man! My husband understands my past. He’s been beside me as I’ve grown from an unsure young girl to a confident woman, mother, speaker and author.

But I’m not sure that he understands the part he played in that transition[13]. The words I heard growing up pierced my soul, yet his words pierced even deeper.

This Anniversary Day I plan to wake early. I want to tell Richard how much I love him. He may look in the mirror and see an extra pound or two, or wish for the day when his hair was dark and curly, but all I’ll see is the man who saw something in me when I couldn’t see it myself, and who leaves butterfly kisses, even after twenty-three years of marriage.

Vocabulary

1. far from the truth: 與事實相去甚遠。

2. skinny: 皮包骨的，極瘦的；mashed: 壓壞的。

3. sticky: 帶著難聞口水味的。

4. shoot back: 反擊，回擊；grin: 露齒笑。

5. verbal and physical abuse: 言語和身體虐待。

6. show up: 出現，露面。

7. took advantage of her: 意思是“占了她便宜（強暴了她）”。

8. lb: 磅，1lb=16盎司；oz: 盎司，是ounce的縮寫，1盎司=0.311035千克。

9. take root: 扎了根，植根于心中。

10. 鏡中的自己依然是那個瘦削的長著一頭老鼠毛般灰褐色頭發的女子，但不知為何，這些贊美的話終于在我心中綻放開來。

11. has grey in his hair: 長出了白發。

12. envision: 想象；snoring: 打鼾；giggle: 咯咯地笑，傻笑。

13. transition: 轉變。

（來源：英語學習雜志 編輯：丹妮）