And picking a partner based only on what she can give isn't a good foundation.

Relationships require a serious time commitment, especially in the early days, and when kids come along, life gets a beautiful new focus. But forget about doing any spontaneous things you really want to do. You do not have the time. Married folks have made their bed and have to sleep in it.

When I've been single, I liked being single, and when I've been in relationships I've like that too. But there were times, when I was always unhappy with both.

I once had this terrific girlfriend, lived on Sydney Harbor, had a high-paying job but mostly felt miserable. After a few months of romance, we settled into a routine and stopped doing fun things. We mostly stayed at home and watched DVDs. I became sick of the dinner parties with other couples and the nauseating talk of real estate prices. Nesting can be terribly boring, when one doesn't want to nest.

My single friends were much more interesting. I wanted the thrill of feeling that anything could happen at anytime and knowing that when it did, I was free to fly.

Later I did become footloose and fancy-free, and on the spur of the moment flew to Tokyo. What a city! I checked out such marvelous sights. But soon began only to see cozy couples and felt lonely.

If the grass on the other side of the fence begins to look greener, I realize my own garden needs attention.

Those weeds must be pulled and negative thinking must be uprooted so my flowering thoughts have room to breathe and grow.

When I am truly grateful with my small lot in life, whether single or attached, then I am mostly happy.

E-mail: patwhiteley@yahoo.com

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