Visit thy parents - it's the law

Caring for the elderly involves financial support first of all. In urban China, many of the retired are able to live on pensions, and whatever sons and daughters chip in can make possible travel plans and other luxuries. But in rural places, older people still rely heavily on what their children bring home. As China's welfare system improves, fewer and fewer of the elderly fall through the cracks of poverty, and an increasing number are truly enjoying their sunset years. Just go to any park in China and talk to a random senior citizen practicing tai chi, group dancing or folk opera.

With financial support receding as a major concern, psychological support looms large as a pressing issue. For all the dance-a-thons and leisure activities, ageing parents long for some moments with their children. What is the ideal "distance" a child should keep with his or her parents? I've talked about this with many friends and the consensus seems to be: Live in the same city but separately. Sharing the same premises may cause generational frictions, but living in different cities makes it difficult for one to tend to parental needs.

Unfortunately, many people do not have the luxury of living a bus ride away from their parents. A visit usually takes logistical planning and monetary commitments. For them, "regular visits" means once a year, or twice if they can manage to expand one more public holiday into something like the Spring Festival journey. Generally, a single person may find it easier to squeeze out the time than the money for such a trip while a married one has the opposite headache.

The new law is extremely difficult to implement to the letter. What if a son has not visited his parents in three years but sends regular greetings and financial support? He may have a good reason for his absence. On the other hand, another might call on his parents once a year but refuse to take on their medical bills even though he can well afford them. As Tolstoy famously said: "Every unhappy family is unhappy in its own way."

Still, I believe the law will do more good in raising consciousness of filial responsibility. Just as each child has a different economic situation when it comes to paying for his or her parents' bills, each one will have to define the frequency of visits by his or her unique situation. But each has to do their best to fulfill this duty. To most, this law will act as a no-nonsense reminder; and only to a handful of miscreants may it be applied with full prosecution.

Essentially, the willingness and frequency of filial visitation is an issue of ethics. Using legal means seems like overkill. As Chinese stipulations tend to be vague on specifics, such a law shows its power in fomenting a pro-parents culture, or reviving it in a way. It was chipped away by the May Fourth Movement, and now some kind of balance is being restored. The government has to take up the responsibility of caring for those senior citizens whose families are unable to do the job, but for much of this demographic, psychological well-being falls out of the realm of government agencies.

As the song goes: "Find some time, take your child and spouse, wear a smile and visit your folks. Mom will flood you with chatter and dad with a table full of great food. Tell them about your troubles and happy things. Help them clean up. Rub dad's back. They do not expect much from you. They've worked hard a whole life and all they want is a happy reunion."

For most Chinese, this song is more than enough to wake up a sense of filial duty. The law will take care of the handful of diehards who have completely forgotten about it.

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