長得與好萊塢明星相像的好處就是：在眾“fans”追逐的目光里，為了不讓他們失望，原本不修邊幅的我開始日益關注自己的形象，并最終成功減肥。

By William Arthur Delaney

楊旖旎 選注

Brentwood has gotten to be one of the most expensive neighborhoods in Los Angeles. Rolls-Royces are so common along San Vicente Boulevard that nobody glances.[1] Celebrities are an everyday sighting.

I worked hard to keep up with the rising cost of living on the Westside. I kept gaining weight because I spent so many hours at my computer. At some point I noticed that people were staring at me, often giving me those double takes[2]. The box boys[3] at the supermarket spoke to me with respect – and when you get respect from a box boy, he must think you’re really important. People were mistaking me for somebody else. But who? There weren’t that many possibilities. It had to be somebody who weighed close to 300 pounds and wore a full beard.

I enjoyed the way people would suddenly turn to look at me as if I wore wings. Nobody mentioned my name, but naturally they assumed I knew who I was. I could hardly ask, “By the way, who am I?” Nobody asked for my autograph[4]. That might have enabled me to learn my name. Of course, I could have simply confessed that I wasn’t who they thought I was, but I wouldn’t have wanted to disappoint them. Besides, I was afraid of being taken for an imposter and treated with appropriate contempt.[5]

As a result of being in the public eye, I began to dress better. I wore slacks and a blazer.[6] I kept my shoes shined. I changed shirts every day. I had my hair cut and my beard trimmed[7] every other week. After all, there is such a thing as noblesse oblige[8].

The more I changed, the more second looks I received. From enjoying the attention, I began to crave[9] it. I was only getting my just deserts[10]. I’d always felt I was somebody special. Don’t we all? Now others were finally realizing it.

How do all those other people get to be celebrities? Somebody once said that a celebrity is a person who is famous for being famous. Maybe it’s possible to become a celebrity just by acting like one.

But who did people think I was? I must have been a movie star, or at least a television personality – not a real superstar but a prominent supporting actor[11]. The only such person I could think of was Sebastian Cabot[12], who appeared in many Hollywood productions but was best known for playing Mr. French, the butler who looked after Buffy and Jody in the television show Family Affair. But somehow that identity didn’t feel right.

Then one evening I was sitting at a bus stop in Westwood Village when two young men in an old car with Minnesota license plates nose-dived to a stop right in front of me.[13] Both ducked their heads and swiveled their necks to look up at me with that expression I had come to recognize as a tribute to my talent and success.[14] One of them said, “Hello, Dom!” His foxy tone suggesting that they had outed me in spite of my trying to remain incognito on a bus stop bench – as if I didn’t have my own chauffeur-driven limo.[15]

So that was who I was! Once I visualized[16] that well-known comedian and character actor, I realized I couldn’t have been anybody else. I gave my young fans a big celebrity grin[17] and said, “Hello, boys!” I waved one hand with a welcome-to-Hollywood gesture they would be talking about for years.

I also realized that it was time to go on a diet. I ate more salads and vegetables. I laid off the carbohydrates.[18] I walked a couple of miles every day. When I had lost about 40 pounds, I shaved off my beard. I had only grown it to hide my double-chins. I didn’t realize that my barber had actually been trying to make me look like the portly Dom DeLuise.[19]

I waited for my clients to ask, “What did you do to yourself?” But nobody even noticed a change. I had melted back into the general population.

Vocabulary

1. Rolls-Royces: 勞斯萊斯，是寶馬公司旗下的高端品牌；San Vicente Boulevard: 圣維森特大道。

2. take: 反應。

3. box boy: 超市里為顧客提供推車等服務的工作人員。

4. autograph: 親筆簽名。

5. imposter: 冒名頂替者；contempt: 輕蔑，鄙視。

6. slacks: 寬松的長褲，便褲；blazer: 寬松的運動外衣。

7. trim: 修剪。

8. noblesse oblige: 〈法〉貴人行為理應高尚，位高則任重。

9. crave: 渴望，熱望。

10. just deserts: 應有的懲罰。

11. supporting actor: 男配角。

12. Sebastian Cabot: 塞巴斯蒂安?卡伯特（1918—1977），好萊塢演員，憑電視系列片《家庭瑣事》（Family Affair）中管家（butler）角色而出名。

13. Minnesota: （美國）明尼蘇達州；license plate: （車輛的）牌照；nose-dive: 急轉直下，俯沖。

14. duck: 忽地彎下身；swivel: 轉動；tribute: 稱贊，贊頌。

15. foxy: 狡猾的；out: 暴露；incognito: 隱姓埋名地；bench: 長凳；chauffeur-driven limo:（私人）司機駕駛的豪華轎車。

16. visualize: 在腦中使（某人或某物）形象化，構想。

17. grin: 露齒一笑。

18. lay off: 停止做某事；carbohydrate: 淀粉質或糖類食物。

19. portly: 肥胖的；Dom DeLuise: 多姆?德路易斯（1933—2009），好萊塢著名喜劇演員。

（來源：英語學習雜志）