天堂是這樣的：機械師是德國人，廚師是法國人，警察是英國人，愛人是意大利人，管家是瑞士人。地獄是這樣的：機械師是法國人，廚師是英國人，警察是德國人，愛人是瑞士人，管家是意大利人。

蔣科 選注

Bordering European countries have complex caricatures[1] of each other, even when an outsider might think they’re more or less the same.

The French—Disliked by some Spanish, for being arrogant[2]. One woman from Barcelona told me, “Come on, who really likes the French? Nobody!”[3] The Swiss don’t like the fact that they have contempt for authority and are lazy.[4] The Brits[5], of course, have the most mixed feelings about the French, though. One half the country hates them, the other half loves them. Those that hate the French tend to like the Americans, and vice versa[6]. In the UK, they’re considered stinky, rude (they never line/queue up like decent people), and a bit yellow, based on their tendency to not fend off invaders like the Nazis.[7] The French, in turn, dislike the British, look down on Belgians for being stupid, and don’t have much to say, in my experience, about Spaniards or Germans (oddly).[8]

The Italians—Most of the stereotypes[9] are positive, but mostly because of the food. Northern Europeans consider them lazy and flaky, and maybe incapable of managing anything right (mostly because of the 50 plus governments they’ve had since WW II.[10] One Dutch professor I had dismissed an Italian one, saying, “All the Italians care about are pasta and mamma.”[11] Italians, in turn, don’t have strong feelings about other Europeans, but within Italy, the north-south divide is pretty strong. Northern Italians continuously complain that Southerners are lazy and unproductive, while Southerners complain that Northerners are devoid of culture or joie de vivre.[12]

The Germans—Germans are considered industrious but uptight and humorless,[13] by just about all the other Europeans. They know WWII is a sore spot for them, so other Europeans will often mercilessly tease them about it.[14] As much as Germany is considered an economic powerhouse[15], the vast majority of Europeans don’t really want to learn German or study there (or send their kids there to study). The food is considered uninspired, too, and only Berlin has some cachet among younger Europeans for its vibrant underground club scene.[16] The most anti-German sentiments are among the Dutch and Danish, who just hate them for invading their countries too often. When Germans ask for directions in Holland, they’re usually given directions to the shortest way out of the country.

The Scandinavians[17]—Widely respected by most other Europeans, because of their high standard of living ...and blond hair and blue eyes. However, within Scandinavia there are some persistent stereotypes. The Norwegians, Danes and Finns all think the Swedes are stupid and uptight. Norwegians are considered racist. Danes are considered more blunt than the others, maybe a bit more cranky, and the Finns are oddly introverted,[18] even by Scandinavian standards. Except for the Danes really disliking Germans, and Finns really disliking Russians, they don’t really have anything against other Europeans.

The Dutch—The Dutch, like the Scandinavians, have an enviable[19] economy and social order that’s admired by southern European countries. However, they do have a reputation of being self-righteous “know-it-alls” and very similar to their German cousins in terms of their rigidity.[20] But they do not like any comparisons to Germans. The Dutch are also disliked for being the biggest misers in Europe, and because of this they incur the wrath of the tourist industry wherever they travel.[21]

The Swiss—Considered extremely rigid, even by the Germans. Note that there is a big cultural divide between French-speaking Swiss, and the German-speaking Swiss. The former are almost exactly like the French, except having a blander cuisine and more respect for authority, the latter being more like the Germans except even more stiff, rigid and cranky.[22]

The Spaniards—Honestly, very little antagonism[23] against the Spanish or by the Spanish. No one really seems to dislike them, and they don’t seem to really dislike anyone else. (Yes, some Spaniards near the border to France don’t like the French very much) Not entirely sure why. However, God forbid you speak Spanish with a Latin American accent—there is still a lot of snobbery among Spaniards towards Latin Americans.[24] Spaniards consider themselves white and European, and would be deeply insulted if you suggested they were Latin American of any kind.

The Greeks—Only nominally considered European by other Europeans, but the Greeks fiercely identify themselves as Europeans.[25] Naturally, this is a huge irritant[26] to Greeks.

The British—About half of the British would be really angry at being called European. They are considered polite, but maybe a bit two-faced[27] and snobby. The Scots and Welsh are tolerated and liked, inasmuch as no one really knows too much about them outside the UK, but the English are those that bear the brunt of negative sentiments among other Europeans.[28] After all, London is in England. The English, in turn, really seem to hate everyone. This is because it’s pretty hard to find an Englishman that has even, at best, neutral[29] opinions about other Europeans. Europe is full of English expats, and the longer they live abroad, the more they seem to hate their host country.[30] And yet they never seem to want to move home.

The Irish—A very small country, but considered polite and humble. They nominally dislike the English, but I have yet to meet an Irishman who really loathes the English. The sentiments towards the Irish and by the Irish seem to be positive, overall.

I personally don’t know much about how the Portuguese, Hungarians, Romanians, Bulgarians, and others are perceived, or how they perceive others.[31] I’ll leave you with this poster I saw in an Italian office years ago, that helps sum it up in some ways:

In Heaven...

* the mechanics are German

* the chefs are French

* the police are British

* the lovers are Italian

* and everything is organized by the Swiss.

In Hell...

* the mechanics are French

* the chefs are British

* the police are German

* the lovers are Swiss

* and everything is organized by the Italians

Vocabulary

1. caricature: 漫畫，諷刺畫。

2. arrogant: 自大的，傲慢的。

3. Barcelona: 巴塞羅那，西班牙東北部港市；come on:〈口〉得了吧。

4. Swiss: 瑞士人；contempt: 輕蔑，輕視。

5. Brit:〈口〉英國人。

6. vice versa: 反之亦然。

7. 英國人認為法國人有體臭、粗魯（他們從不像正派人那樣排隊），還有些膽小，這一點的根據是他們不會去抵御納粹之流的入侵者。yellow: 膽怯的。

8. Belgian: 比利時人；have much to say: 責備；Spaniard: 西班牙人。

9. stereotype: 慣有的印象。

10. flaky: 古怪的，富有個人特色的；incapable: 無能力的。

11. Dutch: 荷蘭人；pasta: 意大利面食，包括通心粉和細面條等；mamma: =mama，媽媽。

12. unproductive: 無成效的；devoid of: 沒有……；joie de vivre: 〈法〉 對生活樂趣的盡情享受。

13. industrious: 勤奮的，勤勞的；uptight: 正直的，誠實的。

14. sore: 感到疼痛的，此處為比喻用法；tease: 戲弄，取笑。

15. powerhouse: 強國。

16. uninspired: 單調乏味的；cachet: 威望；vibrant: 充滿生氣的；underground: 地下的，秘密的。

17. Scandinavian: 斯堪的納維亞人，指北歐的挪威人（Norwegian）、瑞典人（Swede）、芬蘭人（Finn）和丹麥人（Dane）。

18. blunt: 遲鈍的；cranky: 愚蠢的；introverted: 內向的。

19. enviable: 值得羨慕的。

20. self-righteous: 自以為是的；know-it-all: 自以為無所不知的人（含貶義）；rigidity: 僵化，死板。

21. miser: 吝嗇鬼；incur: 招致，惹起；wrath: 憤怒。

22. bland: 淡而無味的；cuisine: 飯菜；stiff: 拘謹的，生硬的。

23. antagonism: 敵意，對立。

24. Latin American: 拉丁美洲人（的），拉丁美洲是美國以南所有美洲的通稱；snobbery: 勢利，形容詞形式為snobby。

25. nominally: 名義上地；fiercely: 激烈地，強烈地；identify oneself: 自認為。

26. irritant: 刺激物。

27. two-faced: 圓滑虛偽的，兩面派的。

28. Scot: 蘇格蘭人；Welsh: 威爾士人；inasmuch as: 鑒于，由于；brunt: 主要的壓力。

29. neutral: 中性的，中立的。

30. expat: 移居國外者，僑民；host country: 東道國，指現居住的國家。

31. Portuguese: 葡萄牙人；Hungarian: 匈牙利人；Romanian: 羅馬尼亞人；Bulgarian: 保加利亞人；perceive: 感知，感受。

（來源：英語學習雜志）