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Humor Joke 幽默笑話

中國日報網英語點津為您精選語言地道的英語笑話，開心學英語。

Five cents

2006-04-05 08:00
My mother and I were standing at he check-out in the supermarket as the cashier scanned the things we bought. When the price of a bottle of orange juice was scanned as $4,, my mother said "It's only $3.95"...

Little Tommy

2006-04-04 08:00
At Sunday School they were teaching how God created everything, including human beings. Little Tommy, a child in the kindergarten class, seemed especially intent when they told him how Eve was created out of one of Adam's ribs...

Applying for a Job

2006-03-29 20:44
Fred was applying for a job as a flagman/switch operator on the railroad. The chief engineer was conducting the interview...

German Visit

2006-03-29 20:44
A man decided to visit his brother who was stationed in Germany. He assumed that most Germans would speak English. But found that many people spoke only their native tongue - including the ticket inspector on the train...

Wonderful Weekend...

2006-03-30 00:56
A man and a woman walk into a very posh Rodeo Drive store. "Show the lady your finest mink!" the fellow exclaims.
So the owner of the shop goes in back and comes out with an absolutely gorgeous full-length coat. As the lady tries it on, the owner discreetly whispers to the man...

The Watermelon Patch

2006-03-29 08:28
There was a farmer who raised watermelons. He was doing pretty well but he was disturbed by some local kids who would sneak into his watermelon patch（西瓜地）at night and eat his watermelons...

The farmer

2006-03-28 08:47
A man is driving down a country road, when he spots a farmer standing in the middle of a huge field of grass. He pulls the car over to the side of the road and notices that the farmer is just standing there, doing nothing, looking at nothing.

Dear Mom & Dad:

2006-03-27 07:45
Here at Wassamatta U I've been worried sick because I haven't heard from you! Please send me a check so I know you're ok!
Love,

Be careful for what you wish for

2006-03-24 08:40
A couple had been married for 25 years and were celebrating their 60th birthdays, which fell on the same day.During the celebration a fairy appeared and said that because they had been such a loving couple for all 25 years, she would give them one wish each...

Guess the animal

2006-03-23 08:23
The first grade class gathered around the teacher for a game of "Guess the Animal." The first picture the teacher held up was of a cat. "Okay boys and girls," she said brightly, "can anyone tell me what this is?" ...

“Bad Day”

2006-03-22 08:27
There was a guy in a bar, just looking at his drink. He stayed like that for half an hour. Then, this big trouble-making truck driver stepped up next to him, took the drink from the guy, and drank it all down.The poor man started crying...

“What's in the Pocket?”

2006-03-21 08:31
A businessman entered a tavern, sat down at the bar, and ordered a double martini on the rocks. After he finished the drink, he peeked inside his shirt pocket, then he ordered another double martini.

High and low voice

2006-03-20 08:57
"Can you explain to me what the difference is between a high-pitched and low-pitched voice?""A high-pitched voice is when my father scolds me；a low-pitched voice is when my father speaks with his boss."

A dozen Bibles

2006-03-17 09:27
A barber gave a haircut to a priest one day. The priest tried to pay for the haircut but the barber refused saying, "You do God's work." The next morning the barber found a dozen bibles at the door to his shop...

Kids say it all

2006-03-16 10:45
Finding one of her students making faces at others on the playground, Ms. Smith stopped to gently reprove the child...

More polite

2006-03-15 08:40
fat man and a skinny man were arguing about who was the more polite.The skinny man said he was more polite because he always tipped his hat to ladies. But the fat man knew he was the more courteous because, whenever he got up and offered his seat, two ladies could sit down.

Women talk more than men

2006-03-14 08:36
A husband, proving to his wife that women talk more than men, showed her a study which indicated that men use on the average only 15,000 words a day, whereas women use 30,000 words a day...

The Russian baby

2006-03-13 08:37
Morris and Becky were delighted when finally their long wait to adopt a baby came to an end.

The adoption center called and told them they had a wonderful Russian baby boy, and the couple took him without hesitation...

Yes, there is

2006-03-10 08:49
My wife came home yesterday and said, "Honey, the car won't start, but I know what the problem is."...

The boy's viewpoint

2006-03-06 08:41
A boy was wondering about a photograph in a newspaper. It showed a group of
happy and cheering children carrying schoolbags with the caption at the
bottom: "On Their Way To School"...

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